Coffee and Cigarettes
by Ariadne Bassarid
Summary: Quirky shots connected only by coffee and cigarettes, with all of the usual YGO cast. SetoxSerenity, AnzuxBakura, other misc character fun.
1. Scene One: Seto, Serenity, Sugar

**Coffee and Cigarettes**

A series of unconnected vignettes, starring the Yu Gi Oh cast and revolving around the eponymous items. Obviously, I don't own Yu Gi Oh, and I don't own Jim Jarmusch's wonderful film Coffee and Cigarettes... but it's a fabulous movie, so I do recommend it to you.

Chapter One: Seto, Serenity, Sugar  
Chapter Two: Anzu, Bakura, General Health Warning  
Chapter Three, the 'Sh' Chapter: Ishizu, Rishid, Shadi, Hashish  
Chapter Four: Yami, Ryou, Absolutely Nothing.  
Chapter Five: Tristan Taylor, Duke Devlin, Alliteration and Frustration  
Chapter Six: Mai, Weevil, Perfection - or Mai vs Underwood.  
Chapter Seven: Yuugi, Jou, Malik, Never Too Late

* * *

Scene One: Seto, Serenity, Sugar

Mokuba seized Seto's hand and tugged eagerly on it as he spotted the ice cream parlour in the foodcourt. Seto sighed exaggeratedly.

"That doesn't look like a game store to me, Mokuba."

"Big bro-ther!" Mokuba whined, laughing at Seto's comically frustrated expression. "It's _ice cream_."

"We're supposed to be shopping for your birthday present," he reminded his younger sibling.

Well, it wasn't Seto's fault he had no clue what to buy Mokuba. Firstly, Mokuba already had anything he wanted; it wasn't as if they couldn't afford it. Secondly, between that stupid highschool and KaibaCorp, actually spending enough time with Mokuba to find out what he might want was - unfortunately - not much of an option.

And here was the amazing thing - Seto had unexpectedly found that his brother was excited about going shopping. Inordinately so. Apparently, actually spending the day at the mall like two normal adolescents was much better than having Seto surprise him with something extravagant. Seto once again supressed the pang of guilt he only ever felt around Mokuba - hostile corporate takeovers and firing employees were nothing compared to the kid's big, dark blue eyes.

"What if I want ice cream for my birthday?" Mokuba said, with infallible logic.

"I think it'll melt before Sunday," Seto retorted.

Mokuba laughed, assuming his brother was teasing. Seto himself was only half-sure that he had been, but it was nice that Mokuba had given him the benefit of the doubt about possessing a sense of humour.

"Pleeeeeeeease?"

Oh, damnit. There he went.

"Come on, Se-toooo, when was the last time you had ice cream?"

Seto rolled his eyes, but smiled at his brother, giving in to the hand dragging him towards the new parlour. At least Mokuba was in a good mood. He'd been spending too much time scowling lately - their small family only needed one Seto Kaiba. "I don't _like _ice cream, Mokuba," he reminded his sibling.

"You're crazy," Mokuba said, with an air of absolute certainty.

"Well, you better watch out," Seto muttered, "because it's a genetic trait."

"I'm only crazy for sugar!" Mokuba conceded happily, pushing open the glass door.

A bell chimed above it. How quaint. Seto glanced around the ice cream place, registering the cheerful, coloured glass lights and the plush red booths that lined the windows. Why would this place want windows? The only view was of the other mallrats stuffing their faces in the general foodcourt. Oh well. At least he was in here, and not out there. And there weren't many people in here, so he shouldn't be bothered.

Or so he thought, until he looked towards the counter. It stretched on the far side of the parlour, pale blue, with red seats lining it. At one end - the closer end - stood the register, just after the glass-topped freezers of ice cream flavours. And standing behind the register, giving an annoyingly friendly smile to the customer that was receiving his change, was none other then Shizuka Jounouchi.

Seto groaned.

Mokuba glanced up at him, a tad perplexed. Then he turned his smile to the now-free Shizuka. "Hi, Serenity!" he said, waving.

The girl blinked, then smiled gently at Mokuba. "Hi, Mokie!" She cast a glance at Seto, whose hand was still clutched firmly in Mokuba's after being dragged inside. Something in her hazel eyes lost its warmth. "Hello, Mr Kaiba, how may I help you?" she asked him politely.

Seto tugged his hand free from Mokuba's. His brother didn't notice - he was too entranced by the prospect of actually making a decision about what flavour he wanted to eat. Mokuba went to stand over by the ice cream counter and stood on tiptoe... The better to peer down inside with.

"Ice cream, Jounouchi. That is what this place is for, isn't it?" He stepped up to the register.

The girl scowled at him for a moment. It was pretty comical, beneath her long lashes and the white, angular hat that was sitting on top of her auburn hair as part of her red and white uniform. Actually, it was almost - god no, spending the day with Mokuba was beginning to get to him - it was almost... Cute. Great.

Seto cast a grumpy look at his younger brother, who was the only creature on the planet about which it was permissible for him to think that word.

"Actually, Sir," she said, her voice a false, bright tone that didn't match the murderous stare she was giving him, "We also sell coffee." She gestured behind her to the large, bronze and black machine that Seto had missed. He had been too distracted by the unexpected encounter with the sister of the mutt.

"Thank god," he muttered. If only they sold cigarettes, too. Though he didn't want Mokuba knowing that he _occasionally _smoked.

Serenity blinked.

Mokuba suddenly bounced back between them. "Seto, Seto, can I have a triple scoop sundae?"

Seto felt a tiny - tiny! - portion of his grumpiness evaporate at Mokuba's obvious excitement. "You actually think you can eat that much?" he asked, dubious.

"Sure I can!" Mokuba replied. He turned to Serenity. "I want one scoop of triple ripple chocolate, one of ooey gooey caramel, and one of mean green lime! And can I have chocolate AND strawberry topping?" Mokuba hopped up and down from foot to foot.

Seto cleared his throat.

The younger Kaiba looked up at him, before looking back at the slightly daunted girl behind the counter. "...Um, please?" He added winsomely.

Serenity smiled, and it was another genuine smile - unlike the one she had trained on her previous customer. "Isn't it nice to see such a polite Kaiba brother?" she said, sweetly.

Seto felt his glare return in full force at the subtle jab. Hmmph. Like he cared if the mutt's sister thought she was rude.

"What flavour are you having, Seto?"

"I'm not having any ice cream, Mokuba."

"Awww."

Darn kid. "Didn't we just discuss the fact that I don't like it?"

"Which coffee would you like, Mr Kaiba?" Serenity interrupted, smoothly.

Kaiba shifted his gazed to behind her shoulder. Her boss was suddenly hovering in the background. Heh. That could be fun. "I don't know; don't rush me, Jounouchi."

Her boss's face paled. Shizuka's face coloured.

"Sorry, _sir_." She added, her voice carefully controlled but her eyes - out of view of her anxious employer - narrowing to very thin slits.

"...Espresso," Seto eventually said, aware that the only other member of the queue - a mother with her squealing child - was beginning to get extremely annoyed by the length of time he was taking. "Grande."

"Of course, Mr Kaiba. If you'll take a seat, I'll bring that right out to you with the sundae. That comes to seven-ninety."

Shizuka accepted the fifty dollar bill he handed her. He didn't give her such a large note to annoy her; it was all he had. She didn't know that, however. Seto smirked as the petite brunette fished his change out of the plastic drawer and clanged the drawer shut a little too forcefully.

"That's great, thanks," she said, holding out his change.

Seto took a seat with his brother - who, naturally, wanted a window booth, causing Seto to sigh yet again.

"Lighten up, big brother. This is supposed to be fun."

Seto frowned yet again - but this time at himself, not Mokuba. "I'm sorry, Mokuba. I'll try to make the rest of the day more fun. It must have been time for my caffeine fix, anyway."

Just then Shizuka, having prepared a cone for the child that had been squalling behind Seto in the short queue, arrived in front of their booth. Seto flicked his eyes down her once, taking in the outfit that had been hidden behind the counter. It looked like some kind of cross between the uniform of nurse and a fast food employee - there was, of course, the hat. And then a white dress with red edging on the sleeves, and a red and white striped half-apron over the skirt. The short skirt. Which was met by high white socks that came just above the girl's knees. She had white sneakers on her feet with a red trim on those, too.

"The mutt actually lets you out of the house like that?"

Shizuka bristled again, slapping his steaming coffee down in front of him. "This is my uniform. I have to wear it. Jou would only object if he knew that people like _you _came in here and ogled me."

"I'm not - " Seto clamped his mouth shut. So what if she thought he was ogling her? Let her go ahead and think it. That hadn't been what he was doing at all. What was the harm in... assessing... his opponent...?

Shizuka pushed a strand of her red-brown hair behind one ear. Then she used that free hand to lift the another item off the plastic tray she was carrying. She set a mountainous, multi-coloured sundae in front of Mokuba, whose eyes lit up. Oh boy. He wasn't going to sleep tonight. Then she handed him a long silver spoon.

Mokuba glanced at Seto and remembered to chirp, "Thank you!" to the girl, before he turned all his attention to his ice cream.

"I hope that's not all he's getting for lunch," Shizuka said, tucking the tray under her arm.

Seto glared at her. It was lunchtime already? Great. He knew that.

"So what if it is?"

"And caffeine is really bad for you, you know," Shizuka continued, oblivious to the laser-like death glares she was receiving from both the older Kaiba and her boss.

"If you object to it so much, feel free to leave and not see me drink it."

"Have a nice day." Shizuka turned to go, then turned back. "Actually..." she fished in the small pocket on her apron, pulled out a couple of red and blue packets and dumped them on the table. "You ought to at least put some sugar in that coffee of yours. You could use some sweetening up."

She marched back to the counter, and Seto wasn't _entirely_ certain he'd just seen her stick her tongue out at him.

"Sugar and spice and all things nice," Mokuba chanted.

"What?" Seto blinked at him, surprised.

"She's nice, isn't she, big brother?"

Seto stared at him, suspiciously, and took a sip of his black coffee.

"_I_ think she's kind of cute," Mokuba added slyly, before shovelling some ice cream into his mouth.

Seto made no reply. He grimaced at his espresso. It wasn't bad coffee. But watching his brother create cavities before his eyes _was _getting to him. To hell with it. He picked up one of the blue sugar packets and silently opened it, then poured the white granules into his drink. Then he did the same with one of the red sachets.

Mokuba grinned like he thought that meant something. Seto just rolled his eyes. Of course it didn't.

Right?


	2. Scene Two: Bakura, Anzu, General Health ...

**Coffee and Cigarettes**

A series of unconnected vignettes, starring the Yu Gi Oh cast and revolving around the eponymous items. Obviously, I don't own Yu Gi Oh, and I don't own Jim Jarmusch's wonderful film Coffee and Cigarettes... but it's a fabulous movie, so I do recommend it to you.

To Ratica, Mya Ino, nkitty29, crsg, Black Breeze, Downtrodded and Freak09, thank you for your reviews. I had so much fun with the last chapter I'm considering using it to make a longer SetoxSerenity spinoff, later on. But here's the next little snapshot, so... Enjoy... :)

* * *

Scene Two: Bakura, Anzu, General Health Warning

"I hope that's not all you're eating for lunch," a voice rasped at Anzu.

She glanced up from her book to confirm its owner. Bakura had claimed the vacant seat at her outdoor café table. He lounged in it as though he'd been perfectly comfortable there for hours, leaning back in his black leather pants, a white shirt with too many buttons undone (it was hazardous to passing females, Anzu warranted) and a jacket of some kind of nylon-black-denim sort of material, its collar turned up under his long hair. He casually flicked the end of his cigarette onto the pavement.

Anzu spared another glance for the large cappuchino that was sitting beside her book.

"...And if it is?"

"In a spunky mood today, are we?" Bakura grinned at her.

Anzu rolled her eyes, trying to ignore the fluttery feeling Bakura always put in her stomach. "No, just trying to read my book in peace."

Bakura glanced down at what she was reading. "Well, at least it isn't one of those silly romance novels."

Anzu raised an eyebrow, and took a sip of her foamy drink.

"Well, they're so boring."

"...How would you know, unless you read one?"

Bakura choked on his cigarette smoke, before apparently deciding to pass along the blame. "Hey, a spirit has to learn to read somewhere. Ryou has a limited book collection."

"...Right." Anzu flicked her book shut. It was actually the biography of a backup dancer for a pop singer. It was also evident that she wasn't going to be able to concentrate on it with _him _in front of her. She stared at him for a moment. "Anyway, what're you complaining about? Coffee never killed anyone... Unlike cigarettes."

Bakura laughed, and shook his white hair. It seemed very sparkly in the midday sunlight. He probably used all kinds of products in it or something. No one's hair was supposed to be that attractive. Anzu smoothed her own absent-mindedly... And watched as Bakura watched her do it. Interesting. Very interesting.

"What are you doing here, anyway?" she said, when he failed to defend himself.

"Just passing by," he said nonchalantly, and took another long puff.

Anzu took a long sip of her coffee in response.

He cocked an eyebrow at her and puffed again.

Anzu sipped again.

Bakura sat up straighter in his chair, and wrapped his mouth around his thin cigarette suggestively, and sucked on it once more.

Anzu sat back, raised her cup and gulped down a long draught of the hot, sweet liquid.

Bakura puffed an O.

Anzu slurped some of the foam off the top of her drink.

Bakura took such a deep breath of his cigarette that he sucked the red ember down to the end of the white stalk. He crunched the brown butt out on the glass top of the table they were sitting at, and then exhaled one long, smoky breath. He cocked his head at her through the haze around him.

Anzu responded by draining the rest of her cup in one go, and then slowly raising the index finger of her other hand. She ran it around the rim of the large pink mug to catch the remaining foam. She then stared evenly at Bakura as she inserted her finger into her mouth and licked it off.

Bakura laughed again, the scratchy sound sending a brief tingle up Anzu's spine. "We _are _feeling spunky today. Too bad you still lose," he said, grinning evilly, and then reached inside his jacket pocket to extract a small box. He flipped open the end, snapped box forward with his wrist, then carefully extracted one of the many cigarettes he still had. Then he rested the box on the table, pulled out a black lighter, and lit up a second time.

He smiled at Anzu's glare. Smug bastard. She'd show him. She pushed her chair away from the table with a screech, and walked back inside the café. A few moments later she emerged with another pink mug of fluffy coffee and plonked back down in her chair.

"You really ought to eat something else for lunch."

"Hey, I'm a dancer. None of us eat," she joked. Actually, when she felt like it, Anzu could wolf down almost as much as Jounouchi. She burned most of it off in dance rehearsals and nervous energy. (Like the nervous energy Bakura so easily inspired in her, a small voice added.) But there was no sense in telling him that; she was rather enjoying his concern for her wellbeing.

He rolled his eyes.

"Cigarettes are bad for you," Anzu said earnestly.

Bakura rolled his eyes again, this time in an exaggerated, comical fashion. Anzu stifled a giggle.

"Well, if you're going to happily poison yourself, at least think about _my _lungs. I'd be more worried about them than my stomach right now, with you breathing all that second-hand smoke in my face."

Bakura's lips twisted in a very seductive manner. "Actually... If I were to devote large amounts of time to thinking about parts of your body, it wouldn't be your stomach _or _your lungs that held my attention."

Anzu flipped her book back open. "Take your smokes elsewhere, you seedy bastard."

In response, Bakura gathered his cigarettes and his lighter off the table and slid them back into his jacket pockets. He shuffled his chair backwards - carefully, not making the grating sound Anzu had - and stood up. He turned to leave.

Damnit. He was calling her bluff.

"Hey," Anzu called. "Where do you think you're going?"

He turned around with another mischevious smile on his face and reclaimed his seat. Then, without another word, Bakura lit up his third cigarette. He took a short puff and gave a brief sigh of happiness.

Anzu smiled sweetly at him... And took a sip of her cappachino.

* * *

Author's Note: I just want to make it crystal clear that smoking is BAD. If you already smoke, hey, I'm not preaching to you, but if you don't smoke... For the love of god, don't start. I am in no way advocating cigarettes. Thanks. Next chapter? Ishizu, Odion and their waiter... Shadi?? OOCness.


	3. Scene Three, the 'Sh' Scene: Ishizu, Ris...

**Coffee and Cigarettes**

A series of unconnected vignettes, starring the Yu Gi Oh cast and revolving around the eponymous items. Obviously, I don't own Yu Gi Oh, and I don't own Jim Jarmusch's wonderful film Coffee and Cigarettes... but it's a fabulous movie, so I do recommend it to you.

I'm mixing up names. I'm sure you can see that for yourself.

* * *

Scene Three, the 'Sh' Scene: Ishizu, Rishid, Shadi, Hashish

"You _tourists_ here for the pyramids?" a voice teased.

In the same mirrored motion, Ishizu and Rishid turned their large, mysterious eyes on their waiter. Shadi grinned back at them and placed a tray bearing two cups of thick coffee and a milk jug on the table. Before greeting the man in front of them, Ishizu reached out and took Rishid's sugar cube, and Rishid poured a little milk into her cup, before liberally adding the rest of the contents of small jug to his own.

They each took a sip, and sighed.

Then Ishizu spoke. "We've seen them before." She smiled at the turbaned waiter, who was wearing a black half-apron over his beige pants.

Rishid took his turn to speak. "This place is crawling with tourists. It's almost a disgrace."

Ishizu nodded, her blue eyes flicking back to Shadi's own as she took another sip of her coffee. "Thank goodness our own family heritage remains lost to archaeologists."

Rishid set his cup down at the same time as Ishizu did and picked up the end of her thoughts. "Can you imagine the tombkeepers' legacy put in a glass case and opened for a modest fee?"

Shadi shook his head. "Oh, I don't know. Brings plenty of business to my coffee shop."

The waiter watched as, in eerily compatibility, Rishid pulled a plastic bag out of his pockets. Shadi blinked at the realisation that Rishid's purple robe _had _pockets. At the same time, Ishizu pulled out a slim, golden Zippo with the Eye of Horus embossed on it in black. She leaned over to Rishid, who was sitting next to her rather than the opposite side of the table, and used the flame to light the two cigarettes in his mouth. Rishid pulled one out and gave it to her. Ishizu accepted it with one hand, and disappeared her lighter with the other at the same moment that Rishid secreted away his packet.

"Gee, you'd never know you two were related."

Ishizu looked at him sincerely. She found the blue of Shadi's eyes, the same deep blue as her own, intriguing. "We're not, actually."

Rishid held up a hand. "Adopted."

Shadi shrugged. "Comment stands. You act like twins."

Rishid's penetrating green eyes flicked over the small café they sat in, taking in the modest wooden table settings and the cosy atmosphere. A few signs here and there above the counter were in English. Then he looked back at their unlikely attendant. "I'm surprised you cashed in on the tourist market."

Shadi shrugged again, noticing some customers walk in the door and chirp happily at the dark, mysterious atmosphere of the place. "Be right back." He vanished abruptly.

Rishid and Ishizu sat in silence, puffing on their hashish. They each took a sip of their coffee. Then they glanced at each other and smiled.

"You know," Shadi said, magically manifesting once again, "that stuff is bad for you." He gestured to their mouths, and took a sip of the coffee he'd brought back with him.

Rishid shrugged. "Gotta have a hobby."

Ishizu, apparently, quietly agreed.

Their waiter regarded them both for a moment, shifted his weight, and then smiled. "I suppose. That's why I'm here, afterall."

"Oh, so you're not just making the best of our historic monuments?" Ishizu asked. Her tone was friendly.

Rishid glanced between his sister and Shadi, frowning. He puffed out, then flicked the end of his self-rolled cigarette. Ishizu glanced at him, smiled reassuringly, and did then did the same.

"Well, it's a good investment. But I do have a life outside of mysterious interventions, you know."

"I can relate." Ishizu winked at him, and reached for her cup at the same time as Rishid did for his.

"The real reason, I suppose, would be my addiction to coffee." Shadi pulled out the spare chair, and sat down opposite Ishizu. He gestured with his white mug, sloshing the liquid slightly. A drop fell on the wooden table - he ignored it.

"Ah, the truth comes out," Rishid said. His tone was not quite so friendly. "I hardly see how you can criticise our hash."

Shadi took it good naturedly. "Ah, well. You have two problems. I only have one."

They sat in silence for a moment. Shadi glanced over to check on the family of actual tourists whom he had offered coffee and an assortment of Middle Eastern sweets - dates, pistachio cookies and baqlawa. Ishizu and Rishid shifted in their chairs.

"...So," Shadi said cheerfully, "Either of you ever drink a lot of coffee right before bed?"

Rishid's green eyes looked perplexed but not particularly interested. Ishizu, on the other hand, looked amused. She shook her head and took another sip of the delicious, viscous liquid in her cup. Rishid breathed in his cigarette.

Shadi took a long drink from his own cup, a look of unconcerned bliss crossing his face. "Yeah, and all your dreams run in super fast motion, like you're seeing them through a camera stuck to the top of a racing car, speeding along. It's incredible."

Ishizu and Rishid both sipped their coffees. They then leaned forward and stubbed out their cigarettes in the ashtray provided.

Another group walked through the front door.

"Business is booming." Shadi grinned at the attractive Ishizu. "Don't you go two disappear on me, now. I'll be right back."

Ishizu returned his grin. Rishid frowned sternly.

When Shadi had gone again, Ishizu turned in her chair to look at her adoptive brother, and tugged on his strange ponytail. "I _see _you're not pleased." She put the emphasis on 'see' like it was some kind of hilarious joke.

Rishid rolled his eyes. He'd heard the joke too often for it to be anything but corny, now. "Just looking out for my sister." He pulled out their baggie of cigarettes once more.

Ishizu produced the lighter and smiled gently at him as she lit them up. "Ah, Rishid. Don't transfer your protectiveness from Malik to me. I'm sure he's doing fine, and I can certainly handle myself."

Rishid sighed and handed one cigarette to her. "Okay. But if he's going to spend all day flirting with you, I hope he brings some more coffee back for us."

* * *

Author's Note: Afterschool Special BobGod says, don't do drugs, kids. I'm going to have to keep repeating that hey, I don't advocate smoking. In fact I strongly advice against it. ...Here endeth the Afterschool Special aspect of my personality.

Anyway, I know, that was kind of weird. Coming up next... What on earth could Ryou and Yami have to say to one another? Do come back and see; it's amusing.

_Freak09_: Well, I don't really like Anzu, but that doesn't mean I'm about to go bashing her.

_The Silent Reaper_: ...I'm guessing your sister is Black Breeze? ...Ah yes, I don't drink coffee, have no idea how to spell all the many varieties. I meant to dictionary that one before I posted it, guess I got sidetracked. Yeah, the movie makes this and some of the upcoming chapters make a lot more sense, but I think they're fun on their own.

_Black Breeze_: Down server is awful. I'm glad you're enjoying this one...

And thanks also to _crsg_, _Aramis-chan_, _thefutureMrsKaiba_, and _DojomistressAmbyChan_. If I've left anyone out, sorry... Reviews on this story are kind of screwy. I have alerts for ones that haven't shown up on the page, and ones on the page that I didn't get alerts for, and they all seem out of order... ::regards ffnet suspiciously::


	4. Scene Four: Yami, Ryou, Absolutely Nothi...

**Coffee and Cigarettes**

A series of unconnected vignettes, starring the Yu Gi Oh cast and revolving around the eponymous items. Obviously, I don't own Yu Gi Oh, and I don't own Jim Jarmusch's wonderful film Coffee and Cigarettes... but it's a fabulous movie, so I do recommend it to you.

Scene Four: Yami, Ryou, Absolutely Nothing

Ryou sat calmly sipping his iced tea in the café. It was late at night and the place was deserted. Even the waiter had gone out back somewhere, and Ryou was pleased that he'd ordered a cup of coffee for Yami before that. Yami was late, but it didn't really matter. The place was playing a pleasant jazz soundtrack from somewhere, and the walls were adorned with paintings of riverboats and plantations.

The door clanged open, a bell jangling harshly as the king of games stalked in. He surveyed the place wildly, and then rushed over to Ryou's table.

"Hi, Yami," Ryou said softly.

Yami's violet eyes stared down at him for a second, his imposing presence making Ryou feel slightly cowed in his chair. Then Yami peeled off his long black coat - revealing, of course, the puzzle, as well a pair of leather pants... and some kind of long-sleeved, purple mesh-top-_thing_- flung it over the back of his chair, and sat down.

"Hi Ryou, how are you?" Yami asked, conversationally.

"Oh, I'm good." Ryou smiled, quietly attempting not to, well, _giggle _at Yami's clothing. "I took the liberty of ordering an espresso for you, I hope you don't mind. The waiter sort of... Disappeared..." He looked around.

"That's fine... Fine," Yami said, and took a sip of the black drink as if to prove it. "And what are you drinking?"

Ryou blinked his brown eyes. "Oh. I'm drinking iced tea. ...I don't like coffee."

Yami nodded.

They sat quietly for a moment, the soft plucking strings of a jazz bass filling the air.

Yami cleared his throat as Ryou smiled politely. "So... Ryou. Was there anything you wanted to tell me?"

Ryou blinked again. He shook out his white hair and took a sip of his tea. The cool liquid was crisp and refreshing, with a slight lemon tang. "Er... No, not really."

Yami sat back and crossed his arms. He leaned forward again. Then he fished for his coat pockets over the chair, and pulled out a packet of cigarettes and a box of matches. "...You don't mind, do you?"

Ryou shook his head, and watched as Yami struck the match. It flared briefly, as Yami took a long drag of the cigarette, coaxing it to ignite. Yami then waved the now useless matchstick, putting out the flame.

"...Nothing you wanted to talk about?"

"No, nothing like that." Ryou was genial. "I just thought it might be nice to get together."

Yami leaned his elbows on the table, trying to avoid puffing his smoke in Ryou's face. He took another sip of his coffee, and Ryou watched a gold bracelet on his wrist jangle as he lifted and set down the small cup.

"...That's all?" Yami pressed.

"Why - yes," Ryou said, wondering what Yami was getting at.

"So... You're not in any kind of trouble?"

"Trouble? Heavens no!" Ryou laughed, leaning back comfortably. "I just thought that since we never spend much time together, it would be nice to have a conversation."

"A conversation." Yami seemed dubious. He picked up the sugar shaker and tipped a little into his cup, careful not to get too much.

"Yes, a conversation."

"Because, you know, it's just that you called and said 'Hey, Yami, I think we should meet somewhere tonight', and I thought you might be in trouble over something.' ...But it's nothing like that?"

"No, nothing like that." Ryou smiled again, though he was getting a little grumpy.

"You can tell me if you're in trouble, you know." Yami smiled reassuringly, though he didn't do a very good job of it, what with his naturally eerie eyes and his provocative attire. He fiddled with the puzzle around his neck for a moment.

"No, Yami, I just thought that it had been a while since we saw each other last. And that we ought to catch up."

"I see." Yami took another sip of his coffee. "...This place has good music."

Ryou nodded, and they listened for a long moment.

"So... How are things?" Ryou broke the reasonably amiable silence.

"Oh, things are good." Yami nodded. "Yes, things are quite good. How are your... Things?"

Ryou smiled again. "Oh, they're good, too, I've been busy working part-time not far from here, I just finished a shift actually, that's why I wanted to meet now."

"So everything's good."

"Yes, Yami, everything is _fine_."

"Look, if you're in trouble, Ryou, I can help. I'm the King of Games, afterall. I could challenge - "

"Yami, everything's fine, really. I just wanted to catch up." Ryou said, his teeth clenched now.

" - really, it's NO trouble at all - " Yami went on.

"Everything is good. It's great. GREAT," Ryou tried to tell him.

" - I'd be _happy _to - "

"Shit, Yami, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IS WRONG!" Ryou shouted. The iced tea he was holding sloshed dangerously in the direction of Yami's leather pants as Ryou leapt to a standing position.

Yami's eyes widened in surprise. For a moment he resembled his hikari, which was no mean feat. He sat quietly, then gulped down the rest of his espresso. Jazz notes squealed, oblivious and playful in the background.

"...I was just saying," he said, finally.

"Yes, Yami; thank you." Ryou sat down again. "I just wanted to see you and say hello." He had regained some of his calm in the short interval.

"Oh. Well. That's... Nice." Yami seemed at a loss for words. "Well... Hello."

Ryou smiled bravely and finished off his own drink. "Yes."

A few more moments passed. Yami suddenly remembered his cigarette, and saw that most of it had burnt down on its own during their conversation. He tapped the long line of ash into the black tray provided, and then snuffed the end out.

"So..." Yami said.

Ryou looked at him, curiously.

"I guess I'll be going then."

Ryou raised an eyebrow as Yami stood and shrugged back into his coat.

"You know... Unless..."

Ryou frowned.

"...Unless you need me for something?" Yami added hopefully.

Ryou forced a polite smile onto his face. He wondered why he had ever thought this was a good, nice, friendly idea. He stood, too. "No, no - everything's just fine, Yami. Better than fine. It's great." He extended a hand.

Yami looked down at it for a moment, a tad bewildered, then accepted the hand. Ryou shook it, and watched as Yami bowed, then headed out the front door. It clanged as he opened and shut it. To Ryou, the sound seemed just a little angrier this time around.

He needed more tea. Cool, crisp, refreshing tea.

* * *

Author's Note: Ha, I love this chapter. It draws heavily on one from the movie. I thought these two characters were more than perfect for it. Anyway, I hope you were amused... And coming up in Scene Five, Honda and Otogi run into each other on the way to Shizuka's.

It's 2am so I'm a little tired for comments, but thanks heaps to ThePianoFiend, Freak09, Sir Mocha, Ratica, Setine (yay), the indomitable Black Breeze (hehe, as you can see, no triangles around here) and KaibasShadowGirl.

The Silent Reaper... Wha? Well. Your sister could be almost anybody. Heh. I'll refrain from guessing in order to keep from embarrassing myself. ;) Last lines are loads of fun.

Till next exciting episode, cowboys.


	5. Scene Five: Tristan Taylor, Duke Devlin...

**Coffee and Cigarettes**

A series of unconnected vignettes, starring the Yu Gi Oh cast and revolving around the eponymous items. Obviously, I don't own Yu Gi Oh, and I don't own Jim Jarmusch's wonderful film Coffee and Cigarettes... but it's a fabulous movie, so I do recommend it to you.

Ha, I went with the dub names... Alliteration amuses me.

* * *

Scene Five: Tristan Taylor, Duke Devlin, Alliteration and Frustration

Tristan rounded the corner, and stopped in surprise. Leaning against the wall of Jou's apartment building was Duke Devlin, calmly smoking a cigarette. His red convertible was parked not far away.

"Hey, Monkey-boy," Duke called with a grin.

Tristan's eyes narrowed and he resumed his approach. "What's up, D-D?"

"You make me sound like a pink ballerina."

Tristan cocked an eyebrow. Said the guy who spent more time on his hair than Mai did... And wore more makeup, too.

"Nice jacket," Devlin added.

Now Tristan blinked in suprise, and glanced down at the leather motorcycle jacket he'd bought earlier in the week. It was the most impressive part of his outfit, which otherwise consisted of a white t-shirt and blue jeans. "Uh... Thanks?"

Devlin reached into his own, red jacket and pulled out a thermos. He carefully unscrewed the metal lid and poured out a brown liquid, two of his fingers endeavouring to keep his cigarette ash out of the mug it was hovering over.

"What is that, coffee?"

"Yeah, you want some?"

"Nah, don't drink it." He regarded his rival for a moment, and glanced upwards towards Jounouchi's floor. "Got any more smokes, though?"

Duke shrugged. "Why not?" He said agreeably. "...But you'll have to get 'em. I kind of have my hands full." He gestured with his thermos, its cup-lid, and his own cigarette.

Tristan cautiously looked him up and down. "...Where are they?"

"Back pocket of my jeans," Duke replied seriously, a look of amusement in his eyes.

Tristan regarded the tight, black jeans in question. "...Forget it."

Duke rolled his eyes. "Oh, just take mine. It's not like I can juggle it and the coffee, anyway." He held out his own cigarette.

Tristan accepted the slim cylinder from his opponent and leaned back against the wall, next to him. "Why've you got coffee?"

"...Why not?"

A few more moments passed.

"What are you doing here, anyway?" Tristan had the sneaking suspicion he already knew the answer.

"Same thing as you."

"Oh, you came to borrow a cup of sugar from Jou?"

Duke blinked. "No. Although sugar would be good right now." He squinted down into his coffee. "I came to see Shizuka."

"Hmmph."

A kid on a bicycle rode past down the otherwise quiet street. It was unusually dull for a sunny Saturday afternoon.

"...You honestly came to borrow sugar?"

"Yep." Tristan inhaled, savouring the smokey taste of Duke's expensive cigarettes.

"...Why?"

Tristan mumbled something, and shifted his weight. He craned his neck back around to glance up at the building again.

"...What? Speak up, T-T."

"I'm _making_ _cupcakes_."

Devlin snorted, and nearly choked on his coffee.

"They're for my grandma, okay? Geez." Tristan took a long drag.

"Right. You live around here?"

Tristan shrugged. It was getting hot with the sunlight adding another layer on top of his jacket. "Just down the street."

At that point a car approached, the thumping bass audible before the vehicle was visible. It rounded the same corner Tristan had emerged from and slowly trolled past them, down the block. Tristan and Duke watched it and its low-riding passengers suspiciously, but it merely kept going at its slow pace, the music eventually fading into the distance.

"...I guess you get to come see Shizuka a lot then, huh?" Duke said. He slurped annoyingly.

"I see her a lot anyway, hanging out with Jou."

"Sure you don't want any coffee?"

"I told you, I don't like the stuff."

"I don't see how anyone can dislike coffee."

"Well, I do."

"Fine..." Devlin slid his thermos back into a pocket somewhere, and dug a crumpled box out of his jeans. He fished a lighter out of his front jacket pocket, and lit up.

"So did you see her?" Tristan finally burst out. He dropped his own, now-used cigarette.

"No."

Tristan happily stomped out the butt on the ground. "She was out, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Too bad. Guess you'll have to come back to this part of town another time."

"Actually, I don't think I'll bother." Duke pushed away from the wall.

Tristan looked at him suspiciously. That sounded too good to be true. "Why not?"

"Because..." Duke started to walk backwards his car. "She was out with Seto Kaiba."

"What?" Tristan exploded.

"See ya 'round, T-T." Devlin clenched his smoke between his teeth and climbed into his car with a smartass grin.

Tristan glowered. "Byeee, Dee-dee! Have fun at BALLET practice!"

Duke revved the engine and pulled away from the curb, waving as he did so.

"...Don't cry your eyes out in disappointment! Wouldn't want that MASCARA to run!"

Tristan, done letting his frustration out on the smarmy dice player, turned to walk into Jou's building. An old lady was standing behind him, frowning.

"Oh, what're _you _so shocked about?" Tristan muttered, pushing past her as she made an indignant sound.

Okay, _almost _done letting his frustration out. He stomped up the stairs.

* * *

Author's Note: Get the Dextor's Lab reference? Thanks to all my reviewers... Yeah, I didn't know what to do with these guys, but I think it turned out okay... Y/N? Stay tuned to this channel for Mai Valentine... faced with Weevil Underwood.


	6. Scene Six: Mai, Weevil, Perfection

**Coffee and Cigarettes**

A series of unconnected vignettes, starring the Yu Gi Oh cast and revolving around the eponymous items. Obviously, I don't own Yu Gi Oh, and I don't own Jim Jarmusch's wonderful film Coffee and Cigarettes... but it's a fabulous movie, so I do recommend it to you.

* * *

Scene Five: Mai, Weevil, Perfection

Mai Valentine sat at the table, her long legs crossed and stretching out from underneath it in their high purple boots. She was filing her nails. The afternoon sun was bravely making its way into the dim room, softly warm on her bare shoulders. Mai dimly sensed a presence hovering about her, but was so intent on getting the chip out of her index finger - without breaking it - that she didn't pay any attention... Until the presence landed in the form of Weevil Underwood.

He leaned forward and, with an old, steamed-up, glass pot of coffee, topped up her dainty cup.

She turned to stare at him with her indigo eyes. "I wish you hadn't done that. It was the perfect color and temperature."

"Uhzz... Sorry," he buzzed.

She looked him over once and smirked. His already disastrous fashion sense hadn't been improved by the white apron he was wearing. Mai picked up the cigarette she had left to smoulder in her ash tray and took a puff, before returning it to its groove. It had a band of purple lipstick imprinted from her mouth.

Weevil was still standing there, holding the coffee pot. He pushed up his glasses along his nose.

Mai raised an eyebrow. "Go and get me some more cream," she said in a dangerous tone of voice.

"Whatever my little queen bee commands," Weevil hissed, and scurried back behind the counter. He practically ran back to her with the small pitcher, and Mai quickly placed her hand over her cup. It clinked against its saucer in her haste.

"I'll do it," she said, giving him a look of disdain and taking the metal milk jug off him.

Weevil watched as she carefully poured a little of the cream into her white cup, and stirred it gently with her spoon. She set down the cream and picked up the sugar holder, cautiously spooning teaspoon of the brown granules in. Then Mai returned to the cream jug and continued to stir, little spoon clinking, as drop by drop her coffee returned to the consistency it had been before Weevil had infested it.

Mai turned to stare at him, staring at her, and glared. "Shoo," she threatened. In her head, she was singing the words to a nursery song she could barely remember... 'Shoo fly, don't bother me...'

Weevil frowned in response, shook his green hair out of his eyes and returned to the counter of the diner.

Mai continued to file her nails, perfecting the index nail finger and then moving on to the middle.

Weevil glared at her before she realised she was inadvertently giving him the finger from across the room. She shrugged and adjusted her position, fitting her legs under the table and turning away from him. Weevil sighed. He was bored. His job was boring. He stared around the otherwise empty diner, at the faded yellow walls, white formica tables, and cracked yellow leather on the chairs.

Since Yuugi Moto and Katsuya Jounouchi had hit the scene, he'd gone from being Domino's number one duellist to a total reject. And considering what an idiot Jounouchi was, that didn't bode well for him. Of course, he'd saved up his money from duelling - he was more of an ant than a grasshopper - but his parents had firmly commanded that he get a job so as not to fritter away his money on his butterfly collection.

They just didn't understand how important that was. It was important that things were the best they could be. Mai seemed to understand that.

She was perfecting her lovely hands. Every now and then she paused to pick up her cigarette and take a puff.

Then again, _she _probably wasn't much better off than he was. She wasn't as big a hit duellist as before... Though she was still the number one female duellist and still incredibly attractive... That had to count for something.

Maybe she needed more coffee. He flitted back over to her table.

In the same quick, protective gesture as before, Mai covered her cup with her hand. "I'm fine," she announced, staring into his slimey little eyes.

"You don't want any more coffee?" Weevil said, holding up the pot.

"NO," Mai said emphatically. She shook her blonde locks.

Weevil continued to stare.

Mai sighed. "Buzz off, Bug Boy."

Weevil hummed with irritation and walked back towards his the counter. "Loser," he mumbled.

A teaspoon hit him in the back of the head. He turned around and glared.

"Next time it will be my foot." Mai said, her purple eyes glinting.

Weevil sized up her heels. "...What?" he asked, innocently.

Mai turned back to her nails.

* * *

Author's Notes: Yeah. I don't know if some of you expected this to be funnier than it was... It didn't come out quite how I planned. For one thing, I wanted to work in a Mai/Jou reference somewhere... But I hate Weevil. I can't take any more of him. And I love Mai. I don't want to keep inflicting him on her, heh. She's the only female in the show that doesn't annoy the shit out of me.

Ahem, anyway... Next chapter features Jou, Yugi and Malik and will be the last one. And I have some time today, so comments it is...

**crsg**: Well, I'm glad you liked it. I had so much trouble not making it sound gay. Heh. Too much shounen-ai for BobGod...

**The Silent Reaper**: Ah, yes. I corrected that. Typos really get my goat, I'm the most pedantic person in the world. On the other hand, I don't expend much energy proofreading my fics because... Uh... Well, I guess I'm not that serious about them. ;)

**Black Breeze**: Wtf. Your notes are not sent to my email by alert on a regular basis. ::shrugs:: ...Eww. I would never stick Mai and Weevil _together_ together. That ought to be illegal. The very idea is repugnant. ;) Yeah, updates have been a little slow; I've had work in the evenings (which means I sleep all day) and I've had the relatives from hell (or, you know, Australia) occupying the rooms with computers.

**ThePianoFiend**: I'm glad you're still enjoying it, it's actually quite odd to write a bunch of vignettes without romantic angles, heh.

**Setine**: 'Mai vs Underwood.' I like it. I had lots of trouble trying to keep it from being too depressing, though. I saw the YGO movie - and heard what's coming up in the next season of YGO, which we don't have here yet - the day I wrote this chapter, so it got a little influenced.

**Seren147**: Yeah. I couldn't resist the Kaiba thing. Go SetoxSerenity. ;)

**Freak09**: ...Well, a week isn't really a LONG time between updates? I had this story finished before I started posting it, but just finding time to do that has been a problem lately.

**i-love-bakura1489**: I don't think I could stretch the Anzu/Bakura story out in this instance, but my brain has been trying to think of a good story for those two for a while... The movie, also titled _Coffee and Cigarettes_, is a series of vignettes starring famous people, acting as themselves, over coffee and cigarettes. It's pretty quirky, I've borrowed some of the scenarios or played with the dialogue because I thought it would be fun to apply it to the YGO gang. Re: your Christmas wishlist, I have a AnzuxMalik one shot already up.

**PS**: You're alive! And thanks, 'different' was what I was going for... It's a challenge to come up with something ffnet hasn't seen done a million times before. ;)

And that's all, folks.


	7. Scene Seven: Yuugi, Jou, Malik, Never T...

**Coffee and Cigarettes**

A series of unconnected vignettes, starring the Yu Gi Oh cast and revolving around the eponymous items. Obviously, I don't own Yu Gi Oh, and I don't own Jim Jarmusch's wonderful film Coffee and Cigarettes... but it's a fabulous movie, so I do recommend it to you.

Slight apologies for Jou's language, but I modelled this off a movie segment, so... Also, I'm aware that the name thing from the movie didn't translate in the same way, but I still find it funny. ::shrugs::

* * *

Scene Seven: Yuugi, Jou, Malik, Never Too Late

"See, Yuug? I told ya some place around here would be open," Jounouchi grinned proudly as he pushed open the door to the run-down café and marched inside. "One thing ya can always say about this part of town... Somewhere is _always _open 'til three in the mornin'."

Yuugi surveyed the deserted diner. It was brown. That was about it. Tan-coloured walls, a dark brown trim, brown leather seats. A few honey-gold lights hung low above each table and booth. There was no waiter in sight.

"Are you sure it's open? There's no one here..." Yugi shuffled nervously, his footsteps slightly faster than Jou's in order to keep up with the taller boy.

"Ah, they'll come out - it's _never _too late for coffee. Just siddown. I'm gonna put something on the juke box." Jou gestured to the large, clunking machine, half-hidden in the far corner.

Yuugi raised an eyebrow but moved to take a seat in a booth. He'd be suprised if the jukebox played _any_thing, the state it was in. This was what he got for playing Duel Monsters with Jou until all hours. Now they needed some caffeine to wake them up again.

A tune got off to a shaky start from where Jou was standing, and the blonde booted the machine once with a scuffed blue sneaker. The jukebox blared to life and Jou turned and gave Yuugi a thumbs-up, before he walked over and sat down. He then pulled a crumpled packet out of his jacket pocket and lit up a cheap cigarette, ignoring the way Yuugi's nose crumpled in distaste.

"So Yuug, ya know when you draw the mystical woodelf card, an'..."

The two of them tuned out their surroundings until two coffee cups appeared in front of them, sans saucers.

Yuugi blinked his big purple eyes and looked up, just as Jou exclaimed, "Malik Ishtar!"

The Egyptian was standing in front of them in jeans and a crumpled white t-shirt, a black apron over his clothes and a white, angular cap on top of his head. It definitely did not match the gold jewellery covering his neck and studding his ears. He smiled tentatively and held up a glass coffee pot. "You guys want coffee?"

"Motherfuckin' Malik Ishtar!"

"Yeah, that's me." Malik seemed nervous. Or perhaps just jittery.

"How are you doing, Malik?" Yuugi asked politely.

"Oh, you know, pretty good." Malik shifted the coffee jug.

"YEAH we'll take coffee, Malik Ishtar," Jounouchi announced, pushing his cup back towards Malik.

"What have you been up to?" Yuugi questioned.

"Oh, pretty much serving this stuff." Malik shrugged as he poured out a black liquid into the waiting mugs.

"...Why?" Jounouchi said.

Yuugi shot him a look. Unfortunately, Jou was oblivious to said look.

Malik smiled. "Well, first it was because I didn't have work experience in much anything other than trying to take over the world."

Jounouchi's smile froze.

"But now..." Malik shrugged. "I sort of got addicted to coffee."

"...But no more schemes for world domination, right?"

Yuugi kicked Jou under the table. "...Would you like to sit down?" He smiled at Malik.

"Yeah, siddown, Malik Ishtar!"

Yugi stifled a sigh. Maybe the late hour was getting to his friend.

Malik gave a more sincere grin, and pulled a small white cup out of his apron pocket, before sliding into the booth next to Jou and opposite Yuugi. He poured himself some of the drink and slurped it happily.

Jou held out his cigarette. "You smoke, Malik Ishtar?"

Malik eyed it for a moment, then accepted. "Not really," he said, but took a puff nonetheless.

"You know how bad that is for you, right?" Yuugi said, concerned.

Malik shrugged again. "Gotta have a hobby. Other than drinking coffee, I mean."

Yuugi noticed his hands trembling. Waaaay too much caffeine.

"So how much coffee do you drink then, Malik Ishtar?" Jou questioned, leaning back in his chair.

Maybe he'd noticed the hands, too. Then again, with Jounouchi, you could never tell. Malik was pouring himself a second cup as Yuugi cautiously took a sip of his first.

"Oh, I don't know. Not much. A few litres a day. What are you two doing here, anyway?"

"Anzu was supposed to be taking us to a party tonight, so we were sitting at Jounouchi's playing around with Duel Monsters cards... We sort of lost track of time."

"Hey, yeah, what happened to Anzu?" Jou said. He took a happy puff of the new cigarette he'd just lit, in order to replace the one Malik was now smoking.

"...You guys should try being addicted to something healthy..."

The two blondes ignored their short companion.

"Anyway, as I was saying, Malik Ishtar... You ever drink a whole lotta coffee right before bed?"

Malik grinned. "Oh, yeah. All your dreams run in super fast motion, like you're seeing them through a camera stuck to the top of a racing car, speeding along. It's incredible!"

Jou laughed and waved his lit cig dangerously close to Yuugi's hair. "Exactly."

Yuugi jumped suddenly - so soon again placing his rather voluminous hair in dangerous proximity to Jounouchi's smoke - as his cellphone began vibrating in his pocket. The face was flashing 'Anzu' at him. "...Hello?"

Jounouchi and Malik both quietly puffed their cigarettes as Yuugi listened to Anzu.

"...Now? What kind of party are you _at_?"

Jou grinned and pumped the air with his fist. "Al-right!" he mouthed at Malik. "She didn't forget us, afterall."

Yuugi laughed. "Okay, we'll see you soon." He clicked his phone shut.

"We headin' out?" Jounouchi questioned hopefully.

"Yeah." Yugi gulped down the last dregs of his coffee and stood. "It was nice seeing you, Malik. ...Hey, would you like to come with us?"

Malik glanced between his coffee cup and Yuugi, as Jounouchi also stood up. "Well..."

"Come on, Malik Ishtar, we'll show you a good time. It's not too late for you to make friends other than a coffee pot." Jou's tact was in the negatives, now. Anti-tact. A deadly force. Not even Malik could withstand it.

"...Okay." Malik put his cup back in his apron and stood. "Let's go then." He reached into his apron pocket and fished out a set of keys, hitting the lights as he, Jounouchi and Yugi headed for the door.

"...That's all you need to do?"

"Yer such a worrier, Yuug," Jou said, laughing. "It's not like Malik Ishtar needs to grab his purse."

Malik laughed. "Yeah, and it's not exactly busy at two-thirty a-m. The kitchen is basically shut down."

"Well, okay then." Yuugi smiled and headed out the door. The two blondes looked like trouble. But maybe there was hope for Malik, yet.

Unlike Jounouchi, who had just tripped over his own undone shoelace.

* * *

Author's Note: Hehe. I love Jou. Jou fans, don't kill me for making him silly. He's just fun this way. The way I intended to end this chapter - and it probably would have been artistically better - was to have Malik sitting alone drinking coffee. But uh... I can't stand being mean to my characters. So sue me.

Thank you very much to everyone who reviewed this story. Sorry the last chapter was a little delayed, but you know, Christmas and stuff got in the way. Plus, I've been busy trying to get this thing up and running:

Website belonging to me and my friend, go ooon, check it out. It's full of weirdness. Don't mention my ffnet name on there though. I can't have my dastardly YGO affliction being made common knowledge. ;) If anyone does go there and wonder, I'm Leigh.

I'm not sure what my next fic project will be (if there is one) so until then... Happy Holidays, all. Be safe and have fun.


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